Sometimes two's a crowd

Ms Goody Two Shoes

If you've ever had people tell you that "You're a lot different to who I thought you would be" after getting to know you, you most like suffer from multiple personality disorder. Well, it's not a disorder as such, but a sign that you have two different personalities, one that may be confident, exciting and awesome, and one that may be scared, insecure and cynical.  Well I have both, and sometimes it may confuse the people around me.

Who is the real you?

If you have notice this happening to you, the first question you may ask yourself is - How do I know which one is the real me? I have a pretty simple answer for that: What were you like as a child? As we grow older we put up more shields and barriers and some of us can't even see through them anymore to find ourselves. But as kids, maybe of the barriers are non-existent and we are just ourselves. It's not to say that you haven't hanged genuinely as a child, and if you have, you shouldn't have two totally different personalities that exist. You'd also find that the persona you've developed to protect your inner personality is usually the complete opposite to the real you.

The real me

When I was a child, I was a really quiet kid. I kept to myself a lot of the time and I had a hard time making friends because I was so shy. I was an only child so a lot of the time I played by myself - lost in my own fantasy worlds. My parents weren't well off and my mum worked many nights as a cleaner to support the family while my dad worked during the day. A typical happy family scenario didn't really exist for me. As a result I was a very insecure, lacked confidence and as a little girl, feared being abandoned.

How I compensated for it

If you have ever had the chance to meet me, you may see me as confident, sociable and stable (or not, you tell me :)). However I still harbor a lot of self doubt and insecurities as an adult. This side of me I don't show, unless your the lucky few that I have come to trust in my life. Looking back at it, the self I project into the world is the exact opposite of how I used to be as a child. Funny that. I am pretty sure that I am in denile of my true self, somehow thinking if I do the opposite for long enough, I will start to believe it, and in some instances it has helped me overcome some of my insecurities.

Ms Bad Ass

What now?

I guess with this knowledge the next thing that may pop into your mind is...what now? What do you do with these completely different sides of you. One side you may not really like that much and it's usually the real you. I guess denying the real you by compensating for it will never get you to the point where you are comfortable with yourself. If you don't nurture and pay attention to the real you and you don't like what you see, you will live a life of secretly hating yourself - and that's not cool. Feed your real you with what it needs to be proud of itself, and you may be a lot happier in the long run. I'm now on that journey - wish me luck.

Well, there you have it, I'm sure that you know me a lot better than you did before, and please ignore my rantings if you are emotionally stable. This post may not be good for you if you are a hypochondriac either - sorry :P. I have a few more thoughts to share about how we are shaped as people but I'll leave that till next time. Happy Sunday!